Sunday Drives and Frank Sinatra

Today was nice. I woke up around 8:30am and went to church. Momma told me to sit in the back cause we had to leave early so she didn't wanna make a scene. I sat in the very back pew against the wall below the sound booth, and Bro. Shep(our sweet former pastor, who is now Pastor Emeritus) sat with me. Then Mrs. Gini joined us. I felt so cool sitting with adults. I was wearing my black cowgirl boots, and when we left I asked if I could drive. Bad idea. Hitting the pedals hurt my feet SO BAD cause of the high heel. When I hit the gas pulling out of the parking lot of the church, I gunned it. By accident, of course. But still, mom's Bible was perched atop the dashboard and it flew in her lap.....she wasn't happy about that. So as I was driving I listened my to my favorite man, Frank. Mmmm I could hear "They Can't Take That Away From Me", "Strangers In The Night", and "Come Fly With Me", all day long. Then I came home. I got on fb for about an hour. Then I took a 31/2 hour nap! It was intense. I don't usually dream when I nap, but this time I did. I don't remember the beginning. But I remember driving on a really unsafe road with just my step dad. We were in either Philly, or Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He then dropped me off at some corner store, where I met up with Holland. Odd. Then Holland picked me up, and before I knew it, we were flying over the City. I was so scared, and I was screaming at him and hitting him. Haha that was funny. Then we land and enter some really small diner in a bad part of town. There, Emily greeted me and gave me a bunch of dresses to try on. The bathrooms of this place were in just stalls in the room where you sat. Emily and I went into seperate stalls, where you could see over them into the restaurant. Holland sat at some booth and just waited. A bunch of creeepers were there and I was terrified I was going to get shot. Emily's selections weren't working so she came out. I really had to pee but I was scared since I felt so exposed. So, I changed into one of my dresses and joined Emily and Holland at the table. I don't remember what we were talking about but I know it was odd. Then some lady kicked us out, and I was flying with Holland again....I don't know where Emily went. Mid-flight back to wherever, I woke up. Which was good, cause I was really scared. Hahaha. Just thought I'd share that.
Now I'm on here and listening to my playlist cause I didn't go to church tonight. *sigh* I miss church. This weekend is YEC&&&Competition. I'm so nervous and excited. Well, this week's going to be stressful!

I'd rather feel something, than nothing at all.

It's February 26, 2010. Yes, my day sucked. And I don't even know how I feel. It's a mixture of hurt, confusion, and pathetic. Reason for hurt: My best friend for the past two years, has been lying to me. Awesome. And on top of that, she insinuates that I'm not trustworthy. I confront her about our problems, and she says half hearted "I'm sorrys" and says she can't do anything about it. That sucks. When we got offa the phone I didn't even say bye. I was ticked. I am ticked. Confusion&Patheticness: Boys. I want probably the only boy that I can't have and the most unhealthy one out there. And it doesn't help when I set Logan and Kaitlyn up and they work out, then Caleb and Emily both liking each other.....yeah, this could very well end badly. But oh well, I'm thinking positively. Haha not really, at least not tonight. I'll start over when I wake up tomorrow. I cried a lot tonight. Really just over my friend, but then everything came at me, you know how that is? Besides, I've needed a good cry. I've been holding a lot back so I could put a good front out there for my friends. At least I have a great relationship with my mother. And God. Well, that's rough right now too, cause I'm failing miserably, but that's my own fault. I need to get re-motivated. Oh and by the way, I talked to my guy(my stupid, stupid, guy) last night for about three hours. That was nice :) But he told me his favorite music and songs, so now, that's all I can listen to.....awesome.
Well, this is my blog full of negativity and selfishness. Hopefully, this'll be the first and last.
-LizzieB

DO IT, and make one while you're at it too(:

OH. MY. WORD.

Okay, so I'm bored right? So I think "hey let's logon to JR's facebook and see what he's been up to". JR is my ex best guy friend. We stopped being friends because too much physical things happened between us. And I'm not one for regretting, but I regret that night. Now, I didn't have sex with him. I just want to clarify that, I was just lost and insecure so I did some stupid things. My ex friends, Jeanette, Sarene, Lissa, JR, Jordy, and Graham are my past. Tonight at dance Sarene and Jeanette were talking about some people(as usual) and I was just sick of it! I mean, the girls they were talking about are SO sweet and kind people. I couldn't understand why they talked about them. And quite frankly, I'm so ready to go off on them! Cause as I was on JR's facebook(I didn't hack, I just know his password), I found out why they changed. And I am PROUD to say that I'm not cool, and that I don't hang out with them. Reason being, you may ask? THEY SMOKE WEED. I don't know about Sarene or Jordy. Sarene doesn't hang out with them much now. But the rest of them now drink, smoke, party, and have sex. That's the reason they were talking about those girls! Because they're not "cool". Because they're good, sweet, CLEAN girls, that actually have morals and standards. You know, I really liked Jeanette. Out of all of them she was my favorite cause she seemed so real. Like, despite everything I went through with all of them, she seemed to be a real friend. Then I read this:
JR: You using me to get weed wasn't helping either.
Jeanette: I told you straight up last night that all I wanted to do was smoke and go to Lissa's.
I was in shock. It was proof. Legit proof, that they're bad. And I realized that a long time ago, God brought me away from them so I could find true friends and not be a world girl. But never, NEVER, have I been so thankful than I am now. I mean think? If I had gone along with them, would I be alive right now? I mean alchohol is bad for your liver. I already have liver problems. JR drinks then drives. What if I had been with him while he was drunk driving? It scares me, but I'm so glad taht I was delivered from that. Now that I think about it, maybe that's why that regret happened. So I wouldn't stay friends with all of them. Wow. I really wanna write or tell them in person how stupid they are, but I know that it won't help matters. I just need to pray for them. It hurts though, I thought they were better than that. And, I know that people change, but back in 8th grade, we made fun of and disliked the highschoolers that did that stuff. Hmm....so crazy how life progresses. I'm so glad to have the friends I do now. So to you, Emily, Victoria, Caleb, Kirstin, Ryan, Logan, Kaitlyn, Ellen, Amandas, Ashleys, Cassee, Sam, Cody, and Leah. Thanks. For being who you are, and everything they're not. I love you all dearly, way to be amazing!
<3 LizzieB

Off on a tangant, she is....

So....it is, as I look to the right-hand corner of the bottom of my computer screen, 2:55am. Needless to say I am awake! Dude, last night I was....well, I don't remember what I was doing, but I was up really late doing something, so I didn't wake up til about 1pm Tuesday afternoon. Yes, I know how unhealthy it is, and my mother infact scolded me for being so lazy. I didn't mean to though! My alarm didn't wake me up, if it hadn't have been for a text from Kaitlyn, I would've been sleeping til I had dance at 5:30! I was that tired. So I get up, take Bentley, my precious Australian Shepherd, out for her "morning" pee and poop then go inside and try to figure out what to eat. What do I eat at this time? If I eat lunch did I technically skip breakfast? I don't think that makes sense in real life, but in my mind earlier, it sounded like a a debate beginning. I eventually settled on Special K and a fruit cup. Now, I'm not one of those girls that are all "I'm so fat, I freakin need to lose ten pounds by tomorrow. Ew look at my body." Cause, I've recently realized something. I am me, and no one else. And since I am me, I don't have to be what other people are. I can just be me, and rock what I got. So, I decided to just be the best me I can be! I know that's a lot of captain obvious statements, but it was an important step in my self-confidence and outlook. So now, I'm not trying to be a size 2, or even near it, but I'm trying to be healthy and a good steward of this great body God has allowed me to have! Actually, let me tell ya'll a little personal story about myself.....
When I was two weeks old I was adopted. My mom and dad left me at the hospital cause they were too broke to abort me....true story. So, some Korean(I am not Korean, I was just born there) man paid for my hospital bill and took me in as a who knows what, but if I hadn't have gotten the runs, I would have been sold into prostitution. Not kidding. I wouldn't have lived though, because after a few check-ups with my new parents, Rog. and Marie, they discovered I had Bli-ariatrisia(I know I spelled that wrong but whatever), I was missing a bile duct. I'm not going to get into the technicalities of it(mainly cause it's a lot of medical termonology that takes too long to explain at 3am but also, I don't remember it), but eventually they gave me one of those things and a new liver to match. At that time I was 14 months old. So quite honestly, I'm blessed to even be alive! I shouldn't be, if you think about it. But apparently God has an important thing for me to do in this world. I just dont know what it is, yet. But if I think about my history, I am really fortunate to have what I have. Imperfections at all. Cause almost 15 years later, I'm healthy and living. And that in itself is a grand thing. I don't know, I may have and probably still will complain about my size a lot, but it'll always be a neverending battle. For now, I'd just like to enjoy where I am, shut up about my weight, and strive to do better so I may improve MYself. Anyway, that wasn't what I was going to write at all.....but it came out....so there.
Hope I didn't bore you with my life story, and I'll write about what I was going to originally write about here in another blog....if I'm not too tired.....
-LizzieB

New blog, ya'll!

So I decided to seperate and organize my writing. Thisblog is for my thoughts, feelings, and personal stuff. And I've created a new blog called lizzieloveswriting for my fictional work, and poetry. Hope ya'll like 'em!
:)

Valentine's Day.

So,
I must at first say, that Valentine's Day did not indeed suck...like usual. Reason being that I was out to prove that being single on Valentin's Day could still be amazing! I was determined to not have a bad Valentine's Day! So the story starts off around December when it had been over a month since I had visited my favorites in Lafayette, TN. I was thinking about how it would be so nice to have someone I love dearly to come down and hangout with me all weekend so I wouldn't dwell on the retarded world's opinion on Valetntine's Day but celebrate it as it is. A day of love. Loving Jesus, loving your friends, your family, your life! That's when the idea popped into my head! SPA DAY. Mmm-hmm, how nice it would be to forget about the outside world for a few hours and just bask in the relaxing ways of the spa....but who to invite? Emily! Of course! My dearest friend, my twin! I knew she never really pampers herself and so I thought it'd fit. A girly day at the spa for two. Fast forward a month, and I'm awake at six in the morning preparing for a drive down to Lafayette, TN. I was really excited, bnot only for the rest of the day, but that morning I arranged plans to meet the Dooleys and Holland at La Tia for breakfast. I really wanted to see The Tuckers, the Denneys, Hunter, and Jeanette, but they all had prior engagements that just didn't comply. So we spent an hour and a half with Ben, JP, Ellen, David, and Holland. What a great group. I realized how much I missed them and when they walked through the doors of the restaurant and I about knocked Ellen down from the huge hug I gave her. Now I just need to see my Tuckers and Denneys. I promise you something too, there is something in that water over in Eastern Tennessee! Not a single one of my Lafayette friends is unattractive! I don't understand how they're all so pretty and beautiful! Geez! But anyway, after that Emily and I left en route for The big CLV and our appointment at the spa. After the spa, we met up at Pancho's with Kaitlyn, Katrina, Eden, Thomas, Logan, Allie, Kelsey, Seth, and Victoria. Keaton wasn't allowed to go, and Caleb had an archery tournament. But we had a great time and they all loved Emily like I thought and just like I'm cool with her Lafayette friends, she's now cool with my Cville friends. It's a crazy, crazy, thing I tell ya! But I like it and am glad it all worked out so well. I had a great weekend, except on Sunday when I was in a fight with Cody and Sam(they're like my brothers), but that blew over soon too. Overall, amazing weekend.....
:)

One of those "pointless" blogs....

2/10/10

Today, actually, just now, I got to talk to my favorites: RyTy&Thirstin. I would've loved to talked to Emma, ElleBelle, or any other of my far away friends too, but the timing was all wrong. I woke this morning and I felt like P. Diddy. Not really, but I don't really know how it feels to wake up and feel like him. I'm sure it must be unpleasent because I'm almost sure that he's not a christian. Anyway, I had a really weird dream last night. It began with...oh wait, I don't remember how it started but the last part was odd. I was at some reunion and Channing Tatum was there. Apparently we had been best friends, and he was away at school and somehow we fell in love. Honestly, I think I dreamed about the premise of "Dear, John" and I haven't even seen it yet. That was dumb, but anyway after I woke up I took Bentley out for her morning elimination process then had my healthy-gross, breakfast. A whole wheat, whole grain, bagel with nothing on it and milk....yum. After that, I was peering out the kitchen window when I realized how complex creation is. I mean overlooking the snow, I could see it glimering against the sun. It was beautiful, who could create something so wonderful? God. Only God. It's amazing how much we take for granted, how much I take for granted.

That was old, just thought I'd post it anyway :)

Elaboration and story of inspiration on my story below.

So if you read my story(which, by the way, has no name yet) you might notice subtle suggestions and similarities that pertain to my life. I won't tell you the characters right now, but you should know that scrambled eggs and chicken was the last thing I ate with Emily. I'll give you that to work with and if you want, you can guess the who's whom in the life of Endsley Blake. Also, I don't go to a technical private school....although I will be this upcoming year, but that's a different story. This came out of head one day after I got lost in a daydream about a certain person. I had written many stories similar to this, but this is the farthest I've ever gotten with one. Twelve pages are completed as what I think of as rough drafts, but they are only the middle of the story. I always find it easiest to write the middle, before starting the beginning. The post of the story I wrote was the only page I have of the begining. It needs a lot of work and I wasn't too keen on the grammar, but oh well. It's just rough. I'll try to write more on the first chapter soon. Thanks for reading!
-LizzieB